(Also as far as introverted women on tv goes, I think that Rory Gilmore on Gilmore Girls is an introvert, since she’s always reading. If you spend the day with other people, she may want to spend the next day lounging at home. He wrote that introverts and extraverts could be separated based on how they regain energy. I can’t even feign enthusiasm over such content and I really don’t care about their kids grueling extracurricular schedule. Dorothea from Middlemarch. So, I’m grateful for you for writing this. If I don’t follow my instincts and do whatever I can to get that time out, I get physically ill. Ugh…AND yes if I like a man, after sitting back and watching him and interacting with him over a certain length of time, I’d much prefer the “hey, I like you lets get a cup of coffee” approach. She’s not being rude; she’s just trying to keep her sanity. Unfortunately, people with introvert personalities find it difficult to express their emotions and how they feel. I really enjoy living on my own and am realising that my alone time is becoming a precious comodity, for who knows, I may end up marrying and having kids. Your email address will not be published. I am struggling to adjust to a new living situation (have just moved countries, and am living with my partners family who I have just met as we moved here!). Introvert individuals are defined as quiet, reserved, and thoughtful; those who like to keep to themselves. I was born blonde, then my hair turned darker at 10 months, gradually becoming a rich brown in my teens. Introverts are not dumb, we are just not interested in shallow small talks. As you said, i also succeeded to some extend but could not carry on with it for long. I’d be perfectly happy if I spent Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. Introversion is one of the major personality traitsidentified in many theories of personality. It’s all about the art of flirting and talking here, too. An introvert woman is naturally hard to crack. After being called everything from ‘weird’, ‘complex’, ‘moody’, ‘arrogant’ and ‘shy’, to ‘nervous’, in junior high and bombarded with highly intrusive questions and hurtful and ludicrous statements like ‘why are so quiet?’, ‘why are you so gloomy?’, ‘why are you so serious?’, ‘it’s good to have friends’, ‘smile and the world smiles with you’, ‘you should come out of your shell’, ‘we are all here for you’ etc., I developed this reputation among a couple of my highly extroverted classmates in college (some of whom actually became my close friends), for being crazy (in a hilarious way) and a ‘goofball’. Here I am now, solo, middle-aged and having to recover and rely on the introvert’s natural superpowers to be alone even when I want companionship. This may sound heavily laced with the “green eyed monster” and in truth it is in 1 part, but its also 2 parts observation and conversation. I guess I am what people refer to as a private extrovert and public introvert. Ah yes, the classic introvert-introvert stand off where no one is willing to make the first move. I cannot tell you how I laughed with joy at this comment about living alone, not being able to “stand” marriage and remaining child free! I don’t watch the Bachelor and Real Housewives. Thank you so much for your blog and everyone’s comments. Black female introverts face an additional layer of doubts when they don’t display characteristics the majority expects. I refuse to participate in pot lucks at work, walking into the bank gives me anxiety…I just want to get back to my car. Oh and I agree with the other posts about needing alone time. I sometimes feel like there should be an in-depth book about Introverted Women, kind of like a manual on how one actually functions in this World…. Every time we stomp down our introverted nature, we crush part of our soul in the process. And besides, being normal is highly overrated – kinda like being extroverted. I have had this specific experience. But there is more. I was deeply burned by an evil male about 5 years ago. Now I can say, I know how to take care of myself around extroverts.:-). Thank you!!!! But her mom is definitely an extrovert. Must be a bunch of us like this out there. I first discovered my introversion at the age of 14 when my father, not known for his sensitivity, blurted out that he was an extrovert and I was an introvert. And I think 32 is a great age for a fresh start and a fresh view of yourself that is more loving and accepting. Just because she’s an introvert doesn’t mean she’s antisocial. limited when it’s with other chatty women! Great to hear from you, lovely. I also wanted to remark on your comment about introverted men vs. women. I think one major project with trying to create more introverted female characters in the media is the backlash that inevitably comes from women. Not to mention that fact that extroverted guys tend to always draw the attention of single girls in any room. Femininity is not limited to quietness anymore than to bubbliness. Cain leapt … I really related to your comment about the grandpa on the roof! It depends on the person. She discovered that all of a sudden men started to take more interest in a way they hadn’t before. There is a lot of talk these days about the distinction between extroverts and introverts, which is often treated as an either/or trait. It only became a problem when I would have someone wonder why I wasn’t wanting to “put myself out there”. But I am an introverted woman. they are ultimately right because i love my own company anytime and i seldom feel lonely as a result.i also dislike attention and being in a crowd makes me feel lonely than when Im alone.no one around seems to understand me and why i enjoy solitude..but after reading your blog i love myself more and appreciate who i really am with no apologies.thank you for sharing. That means that she’ll really cherish the time you spend with her and no one else. I notice that introverts and extroverts pair up because the extrovert is good at initiating the interactions, dates, etc. I’ve seen both movies and read the first book. There’s even a friend who asked me frankly, why are you so quiet? There is no need to give fluff of extra information. 10. Introverts turn inward mentally. This side of me would surface only for a select few. I was on the one hand, very well liked by my professors and on the other hand, a lot of my friends declared that ‘there was no telling, what she’ll come up with next’. Being an introvert is a classic trait exhibited by beta females; they usually keep to themselves in a group, talking only when the need arises. To an introverted woman, real friendships are priceless. My partner is understanding, but in more of a ‘oh, she’s just like that’ way – he wouldn’t know what introversion or extroversion was. Shame. Forever young, bubbly, colourful, and eternally talking, radiant, always ready, willing and able to do anything, and anywhere.” They seemed easy for the men, not just sexually, but easy to handle, no need for guessing what they are thinking and feeling, no need to work to really dig deep and get to know you. My very extroverted family despaired of me for not being a “fun” girl. No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, Thank you for the encouragement, Jake. The whole blonde obsession of the 1970s was awful. So what happens if you fall in love with an introverted woman? Now, compare them with introverted television heroines, such as … ummm … err … gimme a second …  hmmm  … (see where I’m going with this?). Like all introverts, she excels at observing. Most people look at introverts and extroverts as two polar opposite, the truth is that no one is a complete introvert or extrovert. They know when to cut their losses with a relationship. She was a humanitarian—a goodwill ambassador of UNICEF. Most people are surprised to learn that Audrey Hepburn was an introvert. Big you’re welcome! If you’re an introvert and you feel down about it, this article will make you feel better. I am expecting more interesting topics from you. I just smiled at that time, but at some occasions we had short nice conversations about politics and society and i guess that changes the way he sees me. Actually, if you think about it, there definitely are introverted heroines in literature, if not in popular media. It seemed like they were catching some kind of momentum, an extroverted flow, if you will, and I was wearing lead boots. Hepburn was known to be introverted and highly sensitive, but she was also highly professional. Said gentleman has even gone so far as to tell me that “Oh he did WANT to date me”. By Wesley Baines wesley baines But the gregarious chick, that’s who most men are drawn towards. They are witty, hilarious and nauseatingly endearing. She doesn’t have low self-esteem. They really are the enemy of the introverted woman. My mother is an introvert and she has never taken kindly to silly chatter or faux social gatherings. But to get to that conclusion..again exhausting, socially depleting, and I’d much rather not be bothered with YOU now that you’ve decided I’m a friendly gal. And this was nice content and definitely will be useful for many people. In popular lit, I think Hermione from Harry Potter is a STELLAR example of an introverted type- I mean, she’s always in the library! She went beyond extroverted and was a fair bit narcissisticeverything was about her. 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I am a female introvert, always have been, but have also balanced out with fairly regular social interaction. With me, i also have to deal with full social discrimination, because of having had an actual mental/emotional disorder (and it was even by my own definition, a disorder). **eyeroll** She was great at pointing out others’ mistakes while justifying hers as having good motivation. The reign of the extroverted female began with Marsha Brady and has steadily gained steam with characters like Rachel Green from Friends and Gloria from Modern Family. So take it slow, introduce her to just a few people at a time, and make sure she’s not the constant center of attention. Can you imagine how people might react if it was grandma on the roof? In the society I live in being introvert is looked upon as dumb or snobbish and I have been called both at some point. You can’t blame us for feeling ostracized. Talks a lot about self-acceptance, self-care, etc. But i have always felt anxiety around unfamiliar people who i have to spend hours with daily. They might come across as quiet people but don’t mistake this trait as a weakness. I find so many truths in this article. It takes character, i think, to set boundaries and say “No.”. But now I’m married to a fellow introvert who loves me the way I am, especially that I don’t want to force him to go to large parties and would rather read a book! Observation, the propensity to analyze. As for Twilight, I have to admit that as silly as the story sometimes is, I have a soft spot for it partly because Bella is an introvert who reads Jane Austen. Believe me, I know the feeling. This may come as a surprise, but with regards to personality, women are becoming more and more attracted to introverts. An introverted man has several qualities that make him more likely to be honest. To be honest, there have been times when I used to try and be hilarious and goofy, just for the sake of it. Can’t tolerate noise, and idle chatter, or some of the horseshit I hear coming from some people’s mouths. I really enjoyed this post. She’s always in the library! Extroverts refuel by being with others. I finally took some tough but needed action to relieve the stress and I am around family and longtime friends now. I too am an introvert and my mother is highly an extrovert. What a beautiful Chow Chow! It’s also difficult for some to fathom that such a beautiful woman could be an introvert. This is beautiful! I realized that i am an introvert when i found that word while doing a part time job as a university student. She reached a point of exhausted tears which everyone else attributed to her health but it was simply her need for some solitude. I feel so complete and self-contained I really don’t understand this attachment. When I was younger I often wondered what was wrong with me, as I found it extremely difficult to socialise in big groups and I stayed quiet most of the time. 'When people expect a sassy, bold, dramatic, and highly communicative bearing, Black introverted women can leave the impression of being aloof, nonchalant, and unfriendly. – like peer pressure and getting openly criticised or needing to stay home a lot as opposed to going out in a group every weekend (interestingly, it was a “try-hard-to-be-extroverted-introvert” who applied such pressure). I think you have expressed in writing what many introverts have been feeling their whole lives. A year ago I read Susan Cain’s Quiet, and the pieces came together like a jigsaw. I know I’m not necessarily “normal”, but I see my value nonetheless. It drove me nuts. Psychology today has a good blog, called Introvert’s Corner. ... Much research has been conducted on each of the 16 personality types. I have been accused of being “cold” and “standoffish” because I don’t hang all over men I barely know or jump into their laps or show excessive affection in public. Maybe we need more introverted role models for grown women, too, I mention—we have Cain herself to look to, yes, but we need more! Earning labels from “ice queen” to “stuck-up,” introverted rational women — those with the Thinking preference in the Myers-Briggs system, specifically the INTJ, INTP, ISTJ, and ISTP — have a bad rep for seeming cold and unapproachable. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Click to tweet. Exhausting. Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. I think it comes down to being willing to stay true to yourself, and not let the opinons, or perceptions of others compromise how your present yourself to the world. I had one once. Consequently, it becomes more and more difficult to unearth the hidden treasures of our true personality. They would probably think she was crazy, depressed, or incredibly rude. She is a great example of how quiet can be powerful and sexy. I have nothing against extroverted or introverted women. And wondering what in the world happened and why I don’t matter in anyone’s life enough to be worthy of more than a peripheral meeting in their busy schedule. But, they are also viewed as powerful, dominant, and aloof. That doesn’t mean you should never introduce her to your friends and family, but doing it all at once can be overwhelming for her. I strived to be more like them, and in some ways, I succeeded. One of the positives from this has been my developing contempt for narrowminded exclusion and sheer paranoia towards anything and anyobe different. I’m wondering how many other introverts out there also love having their homes to themselves, and are repelled by the mere thought of someone moving in. When you are with an introvert, nothing is lost. A confident introverted female doesnt need to flirt; she lets the guy, or girl know about her affinity by saying “Hey, I like you. It is pretty good. Talk for a few minutes and walk away when you’re done😂 they may not have the same interests id like to talk about but it’s still so refreshing! Being self-aware, understanding personal strengths and weaknesses, not needing to impress others, appreciating quality relationships and other qualities make introverts honest.They’re honest about what they do, what they think about, how they feel, and they give honest feedback. Consequently, they often must work double-time to overcome misperceptions, masquerading as extraverts to make others feel comfortable with them.' There is a book that touches on many issues surrounding introversion. 21. And of course, there’s Hermione Granger, who’d far prefer to study than to go out partying. Super. Smirking: Ohhhh..I’m so happy to have found this blog. Control over emotions. 🙂, Thank you again to everyone’s comments 🙂, Rose, I love how you said your introversion has “blossomed” – great choice of words! Kelsey Dykstra DMCA Policy Marcia’s character on The Brady Bunch wasn’t like that as I recall it (drama) but she definitely wasn’t studious like Jan. Making new friends can be daunting, even online. He is definitely interested, I am definitely interested (and it’s been over 5 years since I’ve had a boyfriend! I had always known that I was quiet, but had never put another name to it. That our society is simply fearful of difference, period. Im starting to value the capacity for building true friendships (rather than expanding social networks) that seems inherent with introversion. I guess what I’m saying is that strong introverted characters ARE out there… but I suspect they’re in shows/books that were written by introverts, and that weren’t necessarily designed for mass appeal. Unsupportive, unkind, take more than they give are traits that that drain and introverts already deplete quickly. And, like Hepburn, we can be radiantly beautiful as well. Thank you this blog is helping me to seek and enjoy my solitude without guilt. I also related well to Jan’s middle child frustrations, though as an introvert, feeling invisible was kind of good. Check out these ten quality traits of introverts that you didn’t even know you have. I have however been struggling to be my self without bowing to the demands of my surroundings. I am still working on it. 🙂 It’s very soothing. Ive been married to an extrovert for almost 15 years, and if anything, I am trying to escape him. After years of practice, I can be easy breezy and bubbly for about 20 minutes at a time (after which point I become exhausted and begin writing blog posts in my head). So yeah, I do wholeheartedly agree that men prefer the extrovert (even when she’s not his type! Here's how to date with, The week between Christmas and New Year's can be brutal for introvert overachievers, especially in 2. After all, people, according to my mom, thought that I was “standoffish.”. Your voice will always be heard. Or, perhaps they warmly relate how grandpa used to hide out on the roof with a book whenever guests came over. I dont make excuses anymore for taking it – its as crucial for my wellbeing as sleep and would I apologise for needing sleep? 🙂. Sure, I was green with envy. Happily, women actually love introverted men. This website has been absolutely refreshing and reassuring! 1. We meet while working at a bookstore and now spend a lot of our time reading at home in peace and quiet. Introverts see things others often miss or don’t see. And I hate it when someone insists that I be more outgoing or talkative. This statement is something I relate to: “While other women delight in constant chitchat and colorful banter, we silently wonder if we’re missing a crucial femininity chip.”, Yes, these other women who advertise in one form or another are “hot,” and “stand out.”. If you’re an extrovert, it can be hard to understand why introverts act the way they do. I love Katniss Everdeen, too! Psychologist Carl Jung was the first person to describe these two personality extremes back in the 1960s. This can be exhausting. Introvert narcissists are often difficult to spot, and yet can carry the same self-conceit and negative contagion as … She needs her alone time. In fact, the whole Brady Bunch made me want to vomit. She enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun. I’ve seen it for whole my life, but i understand more when i know who i am. 😉 I am determined to exhibit my extroverted side, only when I feel comfortable and not as an obligation to other people. That doesn’t mean her mind is empty — she’s more likely to gather her thoughts and reflect on her surroundings quietly until you ask her to share what she’s thinking. 2. Definite chemistry, but I am TERRIFIED of what dating him would mean. When it comes to an introverted woman, it’s just better if you make the first move. 🙂. 🙂 And she’s such a great example for girls. I have even been asked questions like ‘are you ill?’, accompanied by remarks and ‘observations’ like ‘you seem to be a shadow of your old and cheerful self!’. I don’t make apologies for “alone time” anymore. I’m not sure where she would fit in the I-E spectrum but what about Laura Ingalls, her mother and sister too of Little House On the Prairie? 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